JOKES FOR YOUR DAY
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"
Asian guy is having a snack of bread and jam when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Asian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Asian folks eat the whole bread??"
Asian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and export them to Asia." The American has a smirk on his face. The Asia listens in silence.
The American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread??"
Asian : "Of Course."
American: "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and export them to Asia ."
The Asian ( pissed of) then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Asian : And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Asian : "We don't. In Asia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to America.
A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.
But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why !
The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words :
Psycho-
the-
rapist.
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"
Asian guy is having a snack of bread and jam when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Asian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Asian folks eat the whole bread??"
Asian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and export them to Asia." The American has a smirk on his face. The Asia listens in silence.
The American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread??"
Asian : "Of Course."
American: "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and export them to Asia ."
The Asian ( pissed of) then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Asian : And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Asian : "We don't. In Asia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to America.
A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.
But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why !
The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words :
Psycho-
the-
rapist.